Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
