I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
