If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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