Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
