This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
