I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
