the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
