We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
