I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
how do you play pong handcuffed?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So. Much. Porn.
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