Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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