and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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