I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
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I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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