Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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