I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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