She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
