You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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