I will die if light touches me.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
