she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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