I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
