I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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