if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
