K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it hurts more in the daytime
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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