Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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