Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
