im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
