Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
