the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
