i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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