In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
