my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
