we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I deserve this hangover.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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