yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
