JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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