There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
The air taste purple.
Randomize
