Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Pants are for mortals
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
