On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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