The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
