We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
