Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
