the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
