She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
