You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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