you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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