you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
