I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
