You work out of a Hotel?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
