we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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