I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
