Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
