you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
