I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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