Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
