We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
