Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
