Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
