Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
