Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
he shaved USA in his pubs
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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