There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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