Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
