In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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