she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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