The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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