This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
