Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Randomize
