Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
