I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
