also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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